Have you ever noticed how you start picking up the phrases and mannerisms of people you spend time with? My family used to laugh at Black Country inflections in my voice having lived in that area of the country for nearly twenty years. It’s unconscious but inevitable – we become like those we’re around most.

This terrifies me when I think about church relationships.

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. Philippians 2:3-4

Paul’s writing to a church he loves, but one that’s showing signs of division. His solution isn’t complicated: stop thinking about yourselves and start building each other up. In other words, become encouragers.

I remember a woman in our corps who had mastered this art. During my time there, Margaret never preached from the platform, never led a Bible study, never wore any special uniform badges. But she had this incredible gift of spotting discouraged people and speaking life into them.

Margaret died a few years ago, but I still feel the impact of her encouragement ministry. She’d literally shaped who people in that corps became through her consistent encouragement.

But here’s the thing – encouragement is becoming a lost art in our churches. We’re often quick to criticise, eager to point out others’ faults, ready to gossip about failures. We can pull people down with alarming efficiency. Building up? That takes intentionality, effort, and humility.

Think about your closest friends at church. Are they helping you become more like Jesus, or are they partners in cynicism? Do your conversations after the worship meeting build faith or breed discontent? When you leave their company, do you feel energised to serve God or exhausted by negativity?

I’ll be honest – I’ve been on both sides. I’ve been the one spreading negativity like a virus, justifying it as “concern” or “wisdom”. And I’ve been lifted up by encouragers who saw potential in me when I couldn’t see it myself. The difference is night and day.

Jesus surrounded himself with a ragtag bunch of disciples who constantly got things wrong. Yet he kept encouraging them, kept believing in them, kept calling out their potential. “You are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church”, he said to the impulsive fisherman who would one day deny him three times. That’s the kind of encouragement that transforms people.

What if we all made a commitment to be encouragers? What if we decided that every interaction would leave people feeling more loved, more valued, and more capable of following Jesus? What if we became known as the church where people are built up rather than torn down?

It’s not about flattery or ignoring problems. It’s about choosing to see people through God’s eyes, it’s about speaking truth in love, and it’s about cheering each other on towards Christlikeness. Because friends – real friends – bring out the best in each other.

Prayer: Lord, forgive us for the times we’ve torn down rather than built up. Give us eyes to see the gold in others, words to call it forth, and hearts humble enough to encourage without agenda. Make us builders, not demolishers. Amen.

Reflection Question: Who in your life needs encouragement today, and what specific words could you speak to build them up?