Have you ever played that children’s game where you whisper a message around a circle? By the time it returns to the start, “The cat sat on the mat” has somehow become “The bat ate my hat”.

It can be hilarious in a game. It’s devastating in a church.

I once watched gossip nearly destroy a thriving corps. It started small – concern about a senior leader’s decision shared when it should have remained confidential. Within weeks, the story had grown, spread, and divided the congregation. Trust evaporated. Relationships shattered. Ministry almost ground to a halt. All because someone couldn’t keep a confidence.

Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops. Proverbs 26:20

Solomon’s wisdom is very practical. Do you want to put out a fire? Stop feeding it fuel. Do you want to end quarrels? Stop gossiping. It’s that simple and that difficult.

Here’s what bothers me about gossip in the church – we treat it like a misdemeanour when God calls it sin. We wouldn’t dream of committing adultery or stealing from the collection plate, but we’ll casually share someone’s private struggle over coffee and cake. “I’m only telling you so you can pray about it”, we say, as if God needs us to spread prayer requests.

But here’s the flip side: keeping confidences builds incredible trust. When people know you’re safe to speak to, they open up. When they trust you won’t share their struggles at the next prayer meeting or even round the water cooler, they actually share them with you. Real ministry happens in that sacred space of confidentiality.

Think about why we gossip. Often, it’s to feel important – “I know something you don’t know”. Sometimes it’s to feel superior – “At least I’m not struggling with that”. Occasionally it’s misguided concern – “People need to know so they can help”. But underneath, it’s usually about us, not them.

What if we became known as people who could keep confidences? What if our churches became safe spaces where people could be vulnerable without fear of becoming next week’s prayer meeting gossip? What if we actually practised being quick to listen and slow to speak?

Prayer: Father, forgive us for the times we’ve broken trust and spread gossip. Help us to see how our words can wound or heal. Give us strength to keep confidences and wisdom to know when to speak and when to stay silent. Make our churches safe places for broken people. Amen.

Reflection Question: How has gossip affected your relationships, and what practical steps can you take to become someone others can trust?